It seems to me that every popular culture iteration of college is vaguely the same: sororities and fraternities reign supreme in the social hierarchy, easy weekdays fly by to be punctuated by drinking, parties, and frivolous hookups, roommates are BFFs even if they were randomly assigned, and everything is bathed in a warm light of happiness. Even moments of drama or strife are easily resolved with palatable and sickly sweet “life lessons.”
These are obviously stereotypes. I know that and so does everyone else. College classes are hard, moving to a new campus (which might be in a new town/state/country) can be a challenging adjustment, roommates can be nightmares, and weekends are often spent studying or Netflix-binging.
There is no one college experience. But, whenever I seem to talk to people about college, that’s what they expect. Now, I know I’m not a special snowflake for not having that stereotypical college experience people seem to expect me to spout off. I’m pretty sure even if people DO have that kind of college experience, it isn’t quite as sugarcoated and straightforward as TV and movies make it out to be.
And I know when people ask about college, they don’t necessarily actually expect to hear that canned response. And yet when I talk about my experiences, I somehow feel like I’m letting people down or am somehow doing college wrong.
Which totally sucks, because I love college–I have amazing friends, I love my major, I do extra curricular activities that make me happy, and I want to talk about these experiences.
But with my family and my family’s friends, the conversation usually goes more like this:
“So, how’s school?”
“Oh, it’s going really well, thanks for asking!”
“Now what are you studying again?”
“I’m studying sociology and education.”
“So what are you going to do with that?”
“Well I’d really like to teach, something in an urban district or-”
“That’s lovely! Now, what is it you do for fun?” [this is often accompanied by a wink or a nudge]
“I teach for this amazing organization that-”
“No no I mean like for fun!”
Now, teaching 9th graders communication skills about their health and needs and desires is so much fun for me. It’s also rewarding and eye opening and challenging. And I LOVE talking about it. (If you’ve ever been cornered with me at a gathering or in line at Starbucks though, you already know this and I’m sorry for talking your ear off about how vital sex education is loudly in public……)
But a lot of times, it feels like people don’t want to hear about that. When they ask what I do for fun, they’re more interested in hearing about parties and dates and crazy hijinks kids these days get into. And yes, I do have a social life. But honestly, I’d so much rather talk about the things I’m passionate about than where I went to brunch last week (although, I am pretty passionate about brunch…)
And I know so many other people who feel the same way. But it seems like when college students come home and get asked about their college lives, adults aren’t always interested in hearing about our passion projects. Talking about social life and parties are fun, light, and non-confrontational. But maybe it’s time we challenge ourselves in conversation and talk about our love for teaching or that crazy intense protest you went to for environmental regulations or the really interesting lecture you had on business accounting this semester.
Adults, if you’re reading, remember that college students are adults, too. Yes, we party it up sometimes (or frequently #nojudgement), we have great stories that make you feel all nostalgic about your college days, and can have light fluffy conversations about our favorite bars. But we’re adults, too. Engage us in adult conversations–they might not be super topical, but it’s a great way to truly catch up with us and see how much we’ve grown since the last time you saw us.
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